I am aging fast. My mortality has become real to me. I look forward and see that at the very best I have 30 years left of life to live, realistically probably more like 20 years left of life and honestly, I could just as easily not see the end of this decade. I never counted out my time like this before. The future was this vast cavern that I was allowed to wonder through at my leisure. Now, the walls have narrowed and I can dimly see the back of the cave. I think my mom’s passing opened my eyes. Time is limited.
With that in mind, you’d think I’d be seizing the day, living every moment like a madwoman. But no, I sit like a deer in the headlights and watch time barrel towards me. Occasionally I snap out of it, shaking my head and realizing another week has passed and projects still sit untouched, things not written, people not communicated with. And then I shake my head again and another month has gone by.